Casting Without Reeling In: Why Forgiveness Matters
A few years ago, when I was a classroom teacher, our school district was in the process of adopting a new curriculum designed to help teachers better instruct students on dealing with conflict. There was great excitement around these lessons, as we were all seeing an increase in strife between students and a decrease in their ability to manage it productively.
My principal asked me what I thought of it, and my exact words were, “I think it’s going to be a disaster.” My response caught her off guard, especially since many other teachers were excited about it. To be fair, there were a lot of great lessons in the curriculum, but it left out the most basic requirement necessary for conflict resolution: forgiveness. The entire curriculum never once mentioned the word forgive. Without forgiveness, the wounds of conflict will never be fully healed and can often worsen over time. Conflict resolution without forgiveness is like fishing without a purpose: you cast the line out but never reel it in. It may look like you’re fishing, but you’ll never catch the fish.
The great importance of forgiveness is shown in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Most of us have always viewed this as a redemption story of the younger brother who turns away from God, humbles himself, and returns to the welcoming arms of the Father. But there is another lesson to be learned from the less obvious actions of the older son. When the father throws a party to celebrate the younger brother's return, the older brother becomes angry and refuses to join. He excludes himself from the joy of the celebration with the Father and others because he refuses to forgive his brother. No one told him he couldn’t enter; he made that choice completely on his own. Instead of joining the celebration, he resigned himself to sitting outside alone in the dark.
We, too, can exclude ourselves from heaven through our lack of forgiveness toward those who have wronged us. Imagine you die, arrive in heaven, and are greeted by Jesus. You look beyond Him into heaven and see someone who greatly wronged you in life, someone you haven’t forgiven. Jesus invites you in, but you point behind Him at your enemy and say, “I’m not coming in as long as he is in there.” You were invited in, but through your lack of forgiveness, you exclude yourself. You sit outside the gates, alone and in despair.
As I have stated continually over the last two years, our main job is to help students become saints. That means helping them get to heaven. This is why we continually talk to students about the great importance of forgiveness. We don’t tell them to forget the pain of being wronged. We don’t tell them they must accept mistreatment or be friends with someone who hurt them. That would be impossible and unhealthy. Instead, we teach them to forgive because it is so important in relation to our salvation.
The foundation of this forgiveness is built on trust. They must trust God so that He can use their suffering for good. They must trust that the school will dole out appropriate disciplinary measures to prevent them from being harmed again. Without this trust, the suffering becomes meaningless, and they may be tempted to take justice into their own hands, which inevitably leads to more trouble.
If you are struggling to forgive someone who has wronged you, use this prayer that I frequently use myself and teach to our students:
I unite this suffering to the Sacred Heart of Jesus to be used for good. Please help the person who has wronged me repent of their sins, and help me to forgive them so that we can both become saints.
I thank all of you for your continued support of our school. If you want to join us in our mission of making saints, please consider praying for us and/or joining our 1612 Club with a one-time or monthly donation.
God bless!
Stephen Hart
Principal
St. Mary Catholic School
